John & Nick

Because comedy needs more white men.

We Brake for Bacon

The Bacon Funeral Home once again sponsors JohnAndNick.com.

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Further Apologies!

constructionThere’s no sugar coating our disappointment. “The Breakfast Menu” will not be debuting today. In fact, we’re done setting a timetable for its premiere. By doing so, we’re only giving false expectations to our readers, and that’s not fair to you.

“The Breakfast Menu” is a one-of-a-kind comedy piece, and, as such, it has truly unique demands that cannot be properly explained here without spoiling the entire concept. “The Breakfast Menu” is more than just a post; it’s an experience. And our experience currently needs a bit more attention before we pull back the curtain.

We promise we’ll have an update for you relatively soon. This is not a project we will delay until 2016. You’ll see it this year. And it’s going to rock your socks off.

Appetizingly yours,
John & Nick

PREVIOUSLY: Apologies!

Wii Did It!

We finally got a Nintendo Wii U. Hilarious, yet informative review coming soon! Sneak preview: this is a fun purchase that you won’t regret!

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Let’s Modernize Clue for 2015

MsFleekClue was one of our favorite childhood board games. While we’re nostalgic for the original edition, it’s clear that this classic is in need of an update. We have some ideas, and hope that Parker Brothers will contact us about implementing them.

SUSPECTS
The current characters are simple, but boring. Why does the green piece need to be called Reverend Green? Jazz it up:

  • Miss Fleek
  • Professor Yolo
  • Colonel Emoji
  • Reverend Ratchet
  • Mrs. Twerk
  • Dr. Swag

WEAPONS
There’s a nice variety here, but again, they’re all dated. We have a contemporary vision that will capture this generation’s imaginations:

  • Bath Salts
  • iPhone 6 Plus
  • Sham Wow
  • Vape Pen
  • Selfie Stick
  • AK-47

ROOMS
Mansions may still be relevant, but do you think Kim Kardashian has a Conservatory? She doesn’t. Here’s what the rooms will look like in a modernized edition of Clue:

  • Kitchen
  • Dining Room
  • Whiskey Bar
  • Real World Confessional
  • Wine Cellar
  • 20-Car Garage
  • Sex Dungeon
  • Bowling Alley
  • Home Movie Theater
  • In-ground Pool

RESULTS
These updated roles, items and settings provide a lot of fun new combinations as players try to solve the case. “Professor Yolo in the Sex Dungeon with the Bath Salts” has a much better ring to it than “Mrs. White in the Lounge with the Rope,” don’t you think?

Vote for Mike Huckabee

We’re thrilled to announce our first-ever endorsement for president! After careful consideration, we’ve decided to back former Fox News host Mike Huckabee for the position. Why? Well, Mike isn’t just a politician; he’s a musician and an artist. We think he’ll make for the best candidate to support struggling artists like us.

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Apologies!

tb-technical-difficultiesWe’d like to start off by apologizing to any reader visiting this site and expecting the launch of “The Breakfast Menu.” The good news is that the project is still very much alive, and certainly set to shake up the comedy world. Unfortunately, such a shake-up won’t occur today.

We’ve had to delay the project by two weeks due to some unforeseen technical difficulties. While this is both incredibly disappointing and upsetting, it’s also an opportunity to make this project as good as we want it to be.

In short, any disappointment you feel today will be stripped away tenfold when we debut “The Breakfast Menu” on June 24 at 11 am. Get your spoons out, folks.

Yummy in your tummy,
John & Nick

PREVIOUSLY: Announcing “The Breakfast Menu”

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