John & Nick

Because comedy needs more white men.

We’ll Meat Again

Our sincerest thanks to Bacon Funeral Home for sponsoring the site these past few weeks.


Breaking Down “Cinnamon”

Sneakin down your alley way and knockin’ on your door 1
Thought I had enough but I’m back for more 2
Cinnamon, let me in 3

Knock, knock, let me in, I won’t go away 4
I’m gonna see ya if it takes all day 5
Cinnamon, let me in 6

She la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la la, la, la, la 7
One potato two potato three potato, four 8
Open up, Cinnamon, I want more 9
Five potato, six potato, seven potato eight 10
Give it to me, Cinnamon, I can’t wait 11

You can’t hide girl 12
I’m comin’ inside girl 13
Do what you want to 14
Baby I’ll let you 15
Might as well face it, Cinnamon, you know I’m gonna get ya 16
She la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la la, la, la, la 17

[guitar solo] 18
Cinnamon, Cinnamon, Cinnamon, Cinnamon 19

  1. Setting up a very playful, prank-type song! Fun!

  2. Our main character clearly has a taste for hijinks!

  3. Clearly asking for a character named Cinnamon to let him in! This is an odd thing to do when trying to sneak prank someone, but I bet it pays off later.

  4. This guy’s a regular Ashton Kutcher! He won’t give up on a prank.

  5. This guy is dedicated.

  6. Clearly worried that Cinnamon has not heard him to this point.

  7. Pretty sure this is the start of the prank. Probably will be clearer after a few more verses.

  8. Seems to be a potato-based prank.

  9. Hold on, is Cinnamon the one doing the pranking?

  10. So far we know of eight potatoes that exist in this song.

  11. Ah, OK, so the titular Cinnamon has stolen the narrator’s potatoes. The prankee has become the pranker! Clever.

  12. Hmm. That sounds ominous.

  13. Holy shit. Wait. This is a home invasion song.

  14. He’s saying that she won’t be able to put up a fight.

  15. Yikes, he’s just rubbing it in. How was this a hit?

  16. Clearly stating his intent to kill Cinnamon. This is premeditated.

  17. The victim cries out.

  18. Musical interpretation of the slasher setting about his work.

  19. Killer mutters the name of his victim over and over again, in some sort of sick post-kill ritual.

Why I’m Never Shopping at Best Buy Again

Has anyone ever noticed that Best Buy has the worst return policy ever? I tried to return my 2011 Vizio TV there yesterday after accidentally chucking my Wiimote into the screen. They refused to replace it OR fix it! What the hell, Best Buy? I guess your Geek Squad isn’t so smart after all. I’m taking all future business to HHGregg.



We Brake for Bacon

The Bacon Funeral Home once again sponsors


Further Apologies!

constructionThere’s no sugar coating our disappointment. “The Breakfast Menu” will not be debuting today. In fact, we’re done setting a timetable for its premiere. By doing so, we’re only giving false expectations to our readers, and that’s not fair to you.

“The Breakfast Menu” is a one-of-a-kind comedy piece, and, as such, it has truly unique demands that cannot be properly explained here without spoiling the entire concept. “The Breakfast Menu” is more than just a post; it’s an experience. And our experience currently needs a bit more attention before we pull back the curtain.

We promise we’ll have an update for you relatively soon. This is not a project we will delay until 2016. You’ll see it this year. And it’s going to rock your socks off.

Appetizingly yours,
John & Nick

PREVIOUSLY: Apologies!

Wii Did It!

We finally got a Nintendo Wii U. Hilarious, yet informative review coming soon! Sneak preview: this is a fun purchase that you won’t regret!



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