John & Nick

Our parents bought us an ampersand.

Behind the Scenes with Rev. Dodge

ConfessionWe’re once again honored to hand today’s post over to Reverend Randy Dodge of Saint Brayden’s in Romer, PA. Today, Rev. Dodge is taking us into the confessional with him.

Reverend Randy Dodge: May God be with you, my son.

Manny Ruiz: Bless me father, for I have sinned. It has been four months and three weeks since my last confession.

Rev. Dodge: So it’s been a while. Please, unburden yourself.

Manny: Well, I’ve cussed a lot. I’ve been mean to my mom and dad more often than I should have been. I stole five dollars from my brother Jerry’s wallet. I also said “Jesus Christ” a few times, but in, like, a negative way. I’m sorry for these and all of my sins.

Rev. Dodge: Is that everything?

Manny: Yes, father.

Rev. Dodge: Nothing else?

Manny: No, father, that’s all of them.

Rev. Dodge: You’re certain?

Manny: Yes, sir.

Rev. Dodge: How old are you?

Manny: 15 years old.

Rev. Dodge: 15. Copy that. And you’ve confessed everything?

Manny: Was something wrong with my confession?

Rev. Dodge: Not at all. We priests just like to assist the congregation in perhaps finding sins that allude our memories.

Manny: OK, well I don’t think I have any of those. How many Hail Marys should I say?

Rev. Dodge: We’ll get to that momentarily. I want to get back to the sins first. Tell me: have you had any impure thoughts?

Manny: What do you mean by that, Father Dodge?

Rev. Dodge: Do you ever think of women in a way that you wouldn’t talk to me about?

Manny: I guess so.

Rev. Dodge: Like who?

Manny: Have you ever heard of Kate Upton?

Rev. Dodge: Oh, sure. Who hasn’t? So you have impure thoughts about Ms. Upton?

Manny: Sure.

Rev. Dodge: And what do you do when you have these impure thoughts?

Manny: I don’t follow, sir.

Rev. Dodge: Where are your hands when you’re thinking about her?

Manny: I dunno. By my side, I guess.

Rev. Dodge: By your side?

Manny: Yes.

Rev. Dodge: And you just keep them there?

Manny: Yes.

Rev. Dodge: By your side. Perfectly still?

Manny: Not, like, rigid. Hanging loosely.

Rev. Dodge: And you don’t do anything with them?

Manny: As far as I can recall, no.

Rev. Dodge: As far as you can recall. Well said.

Manny: Thank you, sir, I am taking debate this semester.

Rev. Dodge: So then you’re all done, correct? No more sins?

Manny: No sir. Just hoping to say my prayers and get out of here.

Rev. Dodge: You do know it’s a sin to sin in confession, right?

Manny: I never thought about it much, but that does make sense.

Rev. Dodge: It’s like a sin, but squared. That’s pretty serious.

Manny: I understand. I currently have an A in Calculus.

Rev. Dodge: I guess we’re done. Please don’t hesitate to come back if you remember anything else. For your penance, say five Our Fathers and five Hail Marys.

Manny: Thank you, father. I’ll go pound ‘em out.

Burn Bright!

We have a new sponsor this holiday season, and they want you to be the best you that you can be!

AMTS1

Thanks, AMTS!

The Next OK Go Video

ok-go_69_814How can the creative dudes in OK Go top their most audacious video yet? We have some ideas we’d like to pitch:

  • Lay the music over footage of the 2008 Summer Olympics Opening Ceremony.
  • A traditional performance video, but only ever released on Betamax.
  • Maybe a music video with a LOT of choreography; like really good choreography.
  • The guys are playing music in a blue room, and toward the end some dogs come running out.
  • Defrost Walt Disney and bring him back to life. He starts singing the song as his heart resumes beating.
  • Convince Barack Obama to declare war on North Korea. New single plays over first footage of bombs being dropped on Pyongyang.
  • “Here It Goes Again” sequel, but this time everybody’s on ellipticals!!!
  • What if it’s just a PowerPoint full of cat pictures? (Or: cats in sweaters?)
  • Re-create Pavement’s “Cut Your Hair” video shot-for-shot. Reunite Pavement to play the members of OK Go.
  • Video turns out to be a teaser trailer for Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice.
  • Film the band going over Niagara Falls, or into space (depending on budget).
  • Band lives in the Big Brother house; loop song 24/7 while they live there.
  • Hard to explain in print, but it’s a synchronized swimming / competitive eating hybrid.
  • The guys just play their instruments in costumes (e.g. hobo, pirate, sexy nurse), but we blindfold the editor.
  • The band delivers a baby. (On exercise equipment???)
  • Does anyone know Quentin Tarantino? He would be a huge get.
  • Make the video exactly 6 minutes and 8 seconds long, then release a new second of it every day for a year.

The Kings of Social Media

No new content today, but we hope you’re following us at our sister site’s Twitter account (@TheCriticsAgree). We’re changing the game over there with our new hashtag, #ActorsAsFood. Here’s what we have so far:

RobertDownEGGJrRobert Downegg, Jr.

JGLJoseph Gordon-Lettuce

Election Results

We thought we’d update everyone on the results of the Romer, PA mayoral election, given how hotly contested it seemed to be right here on this very site!

  • Manuel Slickerson (REPUBLICAN) — 4%
  • Domonic Johnson (LIBERTARIAN) — 2%
  • Richard McTrust (DEMOCRAT) — 94%

We’re sad that our two sponsors couldn’t pull out the victory, but definitely thrilled to see democracy in action. Good luck next year, guys!

Hope You Had the Time of Your Life

You win some, you lose some. Thanks for the memories, guys.

DrinkyPoos6

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