John & Nick

Because comedy needs more white men.

Rest In Peace

main-qimg-93acc79f44dba4b7c18b8a64febbc7feWe regret to inform you that “The Breakfast Menu” is dead.

We didn’t want to make this announcement. Unfortunately, our hand has been forced. We were unable to secure any investments in the project. Devin Chopin has tainted it. No one can see the vision.

We’d like to thank all of our readers for their support. We’re sorry we couldn’t deliver on the hybrid comedy piece/social network that the 21st century desperately needs.

Check please,
John & Nick


A Birthday Worth Every Penny


New Dad Live Blog

NewDadBeerOur neighbor Geoff Danilak recently welcomed his first child into the world. He volunteered to live blog the experience for, and we certainly couldn’t say no to that. Here’s his first-hand notes from the celebratory occasion:

8:16 pm
And we’re off! My wife Layla’s water just broke. Once I’m finished with this episode of Blacklist, we’re hitting the road!

8:17 pm
FYI: Yes, I could pause the episode (as my wife just pointed out) but if you leave it for an hour, the On Demand exits and you lose all of your progress. And they don’t let you fast forward! What a pain!

8:54 pm
Headed to the car momentarily. Wife has her “go bag.” I have my “go bag” and my “snack bag,” plus a “beer bag” in case we’re there for a while.

9:01 pm
In the car! Here we go!

9:03 pm
Damn, hit the first red light.

9:05 pm
OK, I am driving right now. Let’s light this candle!

9:29 pm
Sorry, wife confiscated my phone for the rest of the drive. She’s nuts. Must be all of those hormones. We’re at the hospital.

9:40 pm
Nurse is taking vitals. Seemed like a good time to drop a deuce! We have our own private bathroom. This labor thing isn’t so bad.

9:52 pm
Doctor is here now. He looks exactly like Christian Slater. No joke. I’ll try to get a pic.

10:03 pm
We’re just sitting around waiting. This is pretty boring. Contractions are too far apart, apparently. Wish modern medicine could speed this up.

10:09 pm
Why doesn’t NBC make episodes of Blacklist available in the app? Seems like a slam dunk for advertisers and viewers alike. Very disappointing.

10:11 pm
What’s the CEO of NBC’s name and e-mail address?

10:30 pm
Just cracked open the first beer.

10:39 pm
Just cracked open a second beer.

10:44 pm
Just cracked open my third beer.

11:01 pm
Anybody down for a quick game of Words With Friends?

11:04 pm
Whoops, forgot this isn’t posting live! But I’m always down for more Words With Friends. Hit me up: Danilickingood is the username.

11:15 pm
Beer number four!

11:45 pm
Woof. This sucks. Headed to the cafeteria to kill some time.

12:00 am
BRICK OVEN PIZZA?!? WOW! I didn’t expect that from a hospital.

12:15 am
Late Night is on. Jimmy Fallon is a great interviewer!

12:33 am
Going back for a second pizza. I’m thinking pepperoni this time?

12:35 am
Damn, wish I remembered my beers.

12:51 am
Getting a lot of angry texts from my wife. Apparently there’s been a lot of progress since I left! Heading back to the room.

1:02 am
OK, leaving now. Couldn’t pull myself away from Seth Meyers! He was doing a filmed piece with his brother. They look so much alike!

1:15 am
I don’t see anything different. Her vagina looks exactly the same. ({})

2:54 am
Sorry, nodded off for a bit. Didn’t expect this to take so long. Need something to keep me awake.

2:59 am
Beer number five!

3:22 am
Wife is in a lot of pain now. This is hard to watch.

3:29 am
Doctor won’t let me give her a beer.

3:45 am
She’s literally screaming with each contraction. They’re having her push. This is incredible!

3:48 am
Sneaking off to the vending machines for some Twizzlers.

3:59 am
Twizzlers got stuck. Does this vending machine not realize I’m about to be a father?!

4:02 am
Looking for somebody to break a $20.

4:20 am
There’s literally no one around at this time of night. Made my way back to the cafeteria. Broke my $20 by buying another pizza.

4:26 am
Carson Daly is hilarious.

4:39 am
Holy crap! I’m a dad! Just got a text from the wife.

4:56 am
His name is Lorne Michael Danilak.

5:19 am
Just took a pic for the article, but struggling on a filter. Amaro? Gingham?

Chopin Out

Mr.-Monopoly-brokeBrief update, folks: Devin Chopin has not returned our calls in 10 days. We learned this morning that he’s gone bankrupt after a series of disastrous investments.

Rest assured, “The Breakfast Menu” is not one of those disasters. We’re going to seek out new funding immediately, and hope to have the project out soon.

Protein up,
John & Nick

PREVIOUSLY: Let’s Get Social

L.O.L. Bean, Halloween 2015


We’re always puzzled by the number of fashion retailers who don’t capitalize on the busy Halloween season. Fortunately, L.O.L. Bean has us covered.

Let’s Get Social

Social-Network-Stock-Photo“The Breakfast Menu” is coming soon.

Today, though, we’re happy to announce that thanks to the connections made through our investor, Devin Chopin, “The Breakfast Menu” will now also be a social network. In other words, you’ll get all of the same great comedy we’ve been planning for this revolutionary piece of art … with the ability to chat and share content with your friends. It’s like comments, but better! It’s like Facebook plus MySpace plus Google+ … but better!

Back soon with more to satiate your hunger.

Chomp chomp,
John & Nick

PREVIOUSLY: We’ve Found Our Investor

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